NEARLY     FOREVER

 

Julia was pure grace, despite her sandals, Capri’s, no make-up and swaying black ponytail.  Up ahead, Stan stood tall and handsome in chinos, a blue scrubs shirt which matched his eyes and a crooked smile.  A look of wonder crossed his clean-shaven face.  Sandy, her best friend and matron of honour watched her, from the other side of the aisle.

 

“Here you go Jules,” Linda, whispered, “almost there.”  Julia squeezed her Mom’s arm and nodded, not wanting to spoil the moment by speaking.  They’d arrived at the front of the room; she reached for Stan’s outstretched hand.  

 

The bride and groom faced the unlikely looking priest, a shaggy young man in ripped jeans, a plaid shirt and Adidas.  He smiled at each of them. “At this point, I’ll ask a couple of questions, which you will answer in turn.  Then we’ll do the vows. You’ll say yours to each other, as you’ve written.  I’ll just do the official stuff,” he chuckled.  “That’ll be it. You’ll sign the register and be husband and wife.”

 

“Finally,” said Stan. “When can we eat?” He’d just come off a twelve hour shift at the hospital, “I’m starved.”

 

Julia turned and hugged him tight, humming the music that was still playing.  

 

“Soon,” Father Jim replied. “But first there’s that little meeting your parents want to have. It won’t take long.”

 

“What meeting?” she asked, “what for?”

 

Stan took her elbow. “Nothing major, just something they want to talk to us about.”

 

Julia looked up at him with dancing eyes, her step light as dandelion down. Curious, she waltzed into the lounge just off the larger rehearsal room. She and Stan sat on a loveseat, his parents on adjacent arm chairs. The priest pulled up a desk chair.  

 

Julia looked at each of them in turn, expectant, but her smile faded as no one met her eyes. “So what are we here for?”

 

Father Jim pulled a document from his folder, as he looked at Julia. “Stan’s parents, as you know are Czech, from the old country. They’re traditional and they’ve raised an important issue. They want to discuss how you plan to raise your children.  They’re concerned that you’re not being married in the church and they want to be sure their grandchildren are raised as Roman Catholics.  They want you both to sign this document promising that you’ll raise your children in the church, even though I’m sure you will, what with Stan being Catholic.”

 

Julia had held her breath while he spoke and she gulped. “Are you serious?” Stunned, she looked first at Father Jim, then her future in-laws.  Stan’s Mom was hanging her head, twisting her hands, avoiding eye contact.  His father, chin up in arrogance, per usual, she couldn’t help thinking, stared her down.  She turned to Stan beside her; he too, was avoiding her now simmering gaze.  She elbowed him, forcing him to look at her, “What the hell is this?” She couldn’t help hissing, “You’re throwing this at me, the night before our wedding?”

 

“Julia, love, don’t take it that way.” He looked sheepish, conciliatory, patted her shoulder as he might a reluctant patient.  “This is important to my parents, how we raise our children.”

 

“B-b-but what about us,” Julia sputtered, “about how we want to raise our kids, Stan?” Anger clutched at her voice.  “You’re all ganging up on me!”

 

“No Julia, we’re not. I just want to keep them happy,” Stan shrugged.  

 

“And what in blazes does that mean?” The vein on her forehead stood out, pulsing, her face reddening.  “So in future, keeping them happy, doing whatever your parents want takes precedence?” 

 

“It’s not legally binding anyway Julia,” he said in a whisper. “We can just sign it for their sake and discuss it later. No big deal, it’s just a piece of paper.”

 

Julia shook her head, incredulous, “I can’t believe you’re doing this, going along with it. I won’t do it, Stan.”  Her searing eyes never wavered from his. “I won’t make a promise or sign anything that commits me to something I’m never, ever going to do!”

 

“Calm down, sweetheart,” he said, enfolding her café au lait hand.

 

She yanked it back, “I can’t do it.  I don’t even understand how you could ask.” The tears she’d been holding back began to trickle.

 

“I just don’t see any harm in it.” He ran the fingers she’d pushed away through his hair. “Don’t cry Julia,” he hated her tears. “Can’t you be reasonable about this?”

 

Dark eyes blazing, tears failing to quench their fire, Julia stood up.  “This is useless,” she muttered. “Reasonable? I can’t believe this.  I have to leave.”  She strode from the room, her regal stride belying her shaking knees. 

 

“Julia,” Stan called after her.

 

Father Jim followed her out, raising his hand to stay Stan. “Julia, wait, there’s no need to be upset about this.  As I see it, signing the document is only a statement of your intentions, a simple formality.”

 

She turned, stared at the worried priest, “Oh no, Jim. That’s where you’re wrong. It’s about so much more, don’t you see?”  Her tears streamed, she covered her face.

 

Sandy and Linda rushed over. “What’s happened?” her Mom asked, swinging an arm about her shoulders. 

 

“Can’t talk,” she hiccupped, “c-c-can’t do it,” she squeezed out.

 

“What can’t you do?” 

 

“C-can’t ..,” Julia wailed.

 

“My god, what have they done?” Linda’s anger rose to defend her daughter.  “Sandy, can you please drive Julia over to my place, while I try and sort this out?”

 

“You bet I will,” Sandy said. She took Julia’s hand, “C’mon Jules, let’s get outta here, I’ll drive you home.”

 

The rest of the party, Stan’s sister, an aunt and uncle, Julia’s Irish grandparents, uncles and cousins were agog.  Witnesses to the obvious crisis, they fired questions in Czech, Irish and English over top of each other.  Linda raised her hands palms out, asking for quiet.

 

“I don’t know what’s happened. But be sure I will find out.  And when I know I’ll come and tell you,” she said.  She grabbed Father Jim’s arm, marched across the room and pushed him against the door, outside onto the terrace.   

 

Stan stormed into the large room and Linda grabbed him, too. “Just hold on a minute there.” She steered him onto the terrace and shut the door behind her with bang. “You’ve both got some serious explaining to do.” she said through gritted teeth.

 

“I have to go after Julia,” said Stan.

 

“I’d let her cool down first, if I were you.  Unless you’re throwing in the towel, too.  She wants to cancel the wedding,” Linda’s foot tapped, accompanied her jutting finger, “and I want to know why.”

 

Stan shook his head, “All the more reason for me to go to her.”

 

“Not until you to tell me what’s upset her.  In fact, you’d both better ‘fess up about whatever idiocy was perpetrated, when you all disappeared.” Linda fumed. “Let’s see if something can be salvaged here.”

                    =====

Julia’s heart hurt and her head ached from all the crying.  Her face caught in the hallway mirror was raging red, verging on purple and she couldn’t remember ever being this furious. She turned to Sandy, who’d followed her into the house.  “I can’t believe this bloody nightmare.” The tears started again, “and the night before the wedding! How could they? Why would Stan do this to us?”

 

“I’m so sorry Julia. I don’t get how they could do that.  And Stan, what’s with him? Why didn’t he just stand up to them, tell them to get lost and mind their own f’ing business?”

 

Julia grabbed a bottle of high end wine, an aged Carmenére, from her Mom’s collection, and marched into the white and green kitchen.  “C’mon we both need this. Might as well get pissed.”  

 

“I’m with ya, babe,” said Sandy. “If ever a situation called for good wine, this is it.”  

 

She fished her chiming smart phone out of her back pocket.  “It’s Stan,” Julia said, glancing at the screen. “I’m turning this stupid thing off. He’s the last friggin’ person on the planet I wanna talk to right now.”

 

They sat on barstools at the kitchen counter, popped the cork on the wine and sloshed it into their glasses. No time for niceties. This was an emergency.  Julia swallowed deep and long, finishing off the glass before surfacing, pouring another.

 

“Did you see this coming?” asked Sandy. 

 

“Not this. I was blindsided, totally. After five years together.”

 

“Nothing? Not a hint in all that time?”

 

“Honestly,” Julia frowned, “I’d have to say his family never really warmed to me.  I thought they’d accepted me though. But this shit came from nowhere I know.”  Julia moved to the couch, taking the wine with her.  “I haven’t kept you totally up to date  since you became a Westerner.  God I’ve missed you.” She hugged Sandy hard when she joined her.  

 

“We’ve got the whole night ahead of us.  Neither of us is likely to get any sleep. So what’s been going on?”

 

“Things were going great the first three years or so, while Stan was finishing his surgical residency.” She described some of the difficulties, lack of time to be together, having to juggle their schedules when she was articling and studying for the bar exams.  “But basically, we relished every moment we had.  During that time he decided to sponsor his parents to immigrate. I supported him, whole heartedly.”  Julia had met his parents and other family when they’d travelled to the Czech Republic. 

 

She’d helped him with legal work and the immigration process, which had taken a year and a half.  “They arrived here about six months ago,” she said, “and there was quite a bit of strain from that point on. They stayed with us the first month or two until we found them a place of their own.”

 

“Right from the beginning, they put pressure on Stan about a lot of different things.” Julia sighed and poured more wine. “Things that had never been an issue for either of us, all of a sudden became daily irritants.” 

 

“Like what?” Sandy emptied the bottle and hunted for another one. “How about this one? Malbec?” 

 

Julia nodded.  “Stuff like my work schedule, housework, laundry became daily points of discussion and sometimes disagreement.”  She’d confronted Stan about his parent’s interference in these matters and he’d shrugged it off, saying they were European, and traditionalists.  

 

“I should’ve put my foot down at that point,” she sighed. “The tension eased off when they moved out, except for the wedding.”

 

“When Stan and I agreed to get married a year ago, we kind of outlined what we would do, and what we didn’t want.  It was pretty casual and Stan left the wedding details up to me. A church wedding was out, so we were going to use the intimate room we both liked at Hart House, the one we were in tonight.”  

 

“Stan’s parents were horrified when they saw it.  They tried to insist on a church wedding, in a Catholic church.  I made it clear I wasn’t about to become Catholic, so  such a wedding was impossible.  I could see Stan was torn, so we compromised and found a progressive Catholic priest.  I’d wanted a friend from law school who’s a Justice of the Peace, to do the honours. We found Father Jim and he agreed to marry us, anywhere we chose.”

 

“Did they leave you alone then?” asked Sandy. “Wasn’t that enough for them?” 

 

“No, it seemed nothing was ever right or enough, so I just stopped telling them anything. Whenever they found out about the wedding plans, they seemed to object on principle.”

 

“So we carried on as we’d planned, substituting the priest for my friend. I was getting excited and so was Stan.  And my Mom was working flat out on my dress and helping out with the bridesmaids dresses.”

 

“The dresses are really special Jules.  Your Mom’s done a fabulous job. We lucked out; she’s such a good designer. 

 

“Be sure to tell her that Sandy, no matter what happens now.” 

 

“So what went on tonight? You disappeared for awhile.”

 

“I felt so warm and happy after the rehearsal went well. Then before we went to eat, Father Jim said Stan’s parents wanted to talk to us about something.  I was in the romance zone so wasn’t paying much attention and went along,” she frowned, “a sheep to slaughter, as it turned out.  Stan even told me it wasn’t anything major.”  A sob escaped and Julia crumpled up in tears.

 

Sandy held her, massaged her back, they rocked back and forth.  Julia was grief stricken and it was several minutes before the flow of tears subsided.  When she’d regained enough composure, she detailed the events in the lounge. 

 

“I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t speak at first. I had to poke Stan to get him to look at me.” Julia sniffled, “You know the worst of it, of what he said? That he didn’t see any harm in it.” She hiccupped, “Even asked me, couldn’t I be reasonable about it?”  

 

“What a dolt. What a mess.”

 

“I don’t know what to do Sandy? It’s tomorrow.  There’s no time to even postpone  anything, until I’ve decided what to do.”

 

Sandy nodded. “There’s not much time, but so what.  You’ll lose some money to the caterers and florists.  In my books, on a scale of one to nuclear war, it ranks NBD, no big deal. I’ll call as many people as I can in the morning.” She stroked her friend’s hair. “We’ll talk it through when you’re ready.” 

 

Sandy rose, went to the fridge, and started assembling sandwiches for them. “But first we’re going to eat something.” She held her hand up when Julia started to protest. “We haven’t eaten since noon and as a dietician, I know one thing for sure: we can’t live on wine, tempting as that might seem at the moment.  We need sustenance. My stomach’s grumbling and yours is probably sloshing.”

 

“No, just clenched,” said Julia.

 

“Well, after we eat, you’re going to think really carefully. What’s best for you and what you truly want to do now is all that matters.”  

 

Julia nodded, moved to the table where Sandy placed the tuna sandwich in front of her. She picked it up absent-mindedly, began to nibble.

 

                    ====

 

The house was quiet when Linda returned from the botched rehearsal dinner.  She went immediately to Julia’s room and opened the door.  Dim light shone on her daughter’s eyes and tear-tracked face.  

 

“Hi Mom,” Julia said, in a sleepy voice, “you’re kinda late.”  She sat up and Linda hugged her.

 

Julia sank into her shoulder. She stroked her daughter’s hair,“It’s been a very long day and it hasn’t ended yet, for either of us.” They’d always been close. There’d only ever been the two of them. They were a given in each other’s lives.  Linda had left Ireland as a young designer, to escape the confines of Irish expectations of young women at the time and be free to pursue her own goals. 

 

She’d become pregnant after a brief relationship with a sexy touring musician, a Cuban, which accounted for Julia’s tawny skin, dark eyes and wavy black hair.  Linda had made two key life decisions then; that she wanted to be a mother and she never wanted to lock into a marriage.  Linda never once regretted either decision.  She’d never been prouder of Julia than now, as she carved a path through one of life’s most difficult, emotionally tangled situations.  

 

“What happened after I left?” Julia hoisted herself up against the headboard.

 

“The short version is, I cornered Stan and Father Jim on the terrace, barred the door and demanded an explanation,” she said, angry still. “I could hardly believe me blessed ears when they told me what they’d done, the bloody daft idjits,” her Irish coming to the fore, as it did when she was most exasperated.

 

Julia offered up a tired half-hearted smile in appreciation of her mother’s spirited defence.  “Did they get it? Either of them?”

 

“That’s the worst of it; they didn’t see a thing wrong with what they’d done! It seems they’d both assumed that of course you’d raise your kids as Catholics, since Stan is one. They saw signing that paper as a mere detail to appease his parents.  In the end, after a good talking to, Stan began to see that how they’d gone about it, ambushing you like that, ‘wasn’t da best apprrroach’ after all,” she said, imitating Stan’s charming accent.  

 

“Mom, I don’t know what to do. You know how I love Stan; I wouldn’t have spent the last five years of my life on him if I hadn’t. I feel so uncertain, so betrayed right now.”

 

They heard a loud banging at the front door.  Stan.

 

He charged up the stairs, when Linda let him in and kneeled beside Julia’s bed. “I love you so much,” he looked stricken. “I’m so sorry, I never meant to upset you this way.” He took her hands in his, massaged and kissed her knuckles. 

 

“Well you did, Stan. You hurt me and I’m angry. I feel betrayed.” Her statement hung heavy in the air between them.  “How did you expect me to take it?” 

 

“When we talked before, about religion, you said it was not important to you, it didn’t matter.”

 

“And as I recall, you said it wasn’t a big thing for you either, so we seemed to be in agreement. So why then, did you insist I sign a paper like that, the night before our wedding?”

 

“The religion is not important for you, so I thought the paper wouldn’t be important either.  But religion for our children is important to my parents. So signing the paper, it was just something we could do for them.  Make them happier about the marriage. Try to understand,” his cerulean blue eyes were soft and pleading.

 

“And did you think I would just go along with it?”

 

He nodded, abashed written across his face.

 

Julia looked in disbelief, her eyes welling, “But Stan, don’t you see that our lives together have to be for us. For you and me, and the little family we make.  We have to do this on our own terms and support each other always. I have to be able to count on you!”  

 

He nodded, watched her intensely, “I want that too, very much and we will do this Julia.  I promise, as soon as we are married, it will be just the two of us.”  He climbed onto the bed, wrapped his long body around her and kissed her deeply.  “Let me be with you tonight my love, we both need this.”

 

“Yes, stay.” 

 

Julia woke first and extricated herself with care, from their tangle of limbs.  Their lovemaking had been desperate, then soothing.  Without a doubt, she loved this man, perhaps more than she could love any other. 

 

Stan didn’t understand. He could not wrap his head around the idea that while religion was not important to her, she couldn’t tolerate the imposition of it on her or their children; even less so when someone outside was dictating. Stan’s unwavering support of his parents and championing of his upbringing, in the face of her anger and opposition, was a lot more flaw than she felt she could overlook right now.  

 

Too much was at stake.  What she could count on was more of the same conduct in future; other issues and conflicts, of that she had no doubt.  And she knew with the same certainty, that she would not marry him today; maybe never.

 

Linda entered the kitchen and embraced her. “Have you decided something?”

 

She sighed, “I can’t marry Stan today.” Julia hugged her Mom tight. “Are you disappointed?”

 

“In you, never.” She took her daughter’s face in her hands, looked her in the eye. “But I am a bit surprised. I thought Stan might convince you, in the throes of passion last night. He seemed quite determined.”

 

“Mom, there’s no question that I love him. I’m terribly sad about this.” Julia paused to fight back tears.  “He was quite persuasive though.” 

 

Linda chuckled, “Well at least he cared enough to try. But you’ve told him?” 

 

“Yes, he knows what they did was a deal breaker.  But I’m not sure he yet understands why, and that’s the crux of the problem.”

 

“We’d better get Sandy up then, make a plan for letting people know, and get on with cancelling the show.”

 

Julia hugged her mother tight, “Thanks so much, Mom for everything, but especially for your total support.”

 

“Always.” Linda moaned, “But it’s a right bloody shame for that dress to go to waste.” 

                    =====

 

Exhaustion set in early.  She was desperate for some sleep, but before that, there was one more thing she had to do.  Slipping into the bathroom with a paper bag, she removed the package with trembling hands and opened it.  She read and followed the instructions to the letter, and waited. 

 

She’d planned to do this with Stan, this very night.  It should have been the best surprise and wedding present for him, before it all came apart. She’d felt with her body and in her heart that there would be a positive result to give him.

 

Confirmed. She was pregnant. An abundance of tears ran as her bruised heart broke.